Edelman

There's nothing more annoying than fat people. Wait, I take that back. Many fat people are nice, intelligent individuals who don't complain about being fat. There's nothing more annoying than fat people who complain that they are fat. Let's also define fat. Most girls/women who think they are fat are not. Just because you have a bit of pudge around the sides does not make you fat, it makes you healthy. The only thing more disgusting than a hideously fat girl (or guy) is a hideously skinny girl. However, if that pudge looks and feels like ten loaves of bread about to burst out of your belly button, then, yeah, you're fat.

The reasons Americans are so fat in comparison to other countries are:

• We eat crappy processed food
• We drive everywhere
• Crappy food is cheap and convenient, so poorer people (the majority of any population) eat it because it's all they can afford

I dare you to go to Spain and point out five overweight people in the same day (who aren't fat American tourists). You won't be able to, because Europeans walk everywhere and it is part of their culture to eat right.

"Wah wah I'm fat but I eat soooo good." First off, it's I eat so well, Fatty McFattersons, and secondly, there's a reason you're fat, and it's not just because of the foods you eat or the nasty genes your parents passed down to you after a night of sweaty, unprotected uglies-bumping. The most likely reason you're a fatass is because you don't exercise.

"But I work out every day and I eat right and I'm still fat!" You "work out"? Or you walk your dog in the morning? Or you bend over when the soap drops through your fat fingers in the shower every morning? Or you have to get on your tiptoes to reach the upper cabinet where you've "hidden" the DingDongs from yourself? These do not constitute working out. Try jogging even two miles a day. Try sprinting. Hell, try running to the store to buy your moon pies. At least you'll be able to justify your purchase. Then run home.

There's a plethora of things you can do to improve yourself outside of eating right and hanging out in the VIP gene jacuzzi. Take the stairs. Two at a time. After work, instead of going straight home to watch American Idol, go out to a park and run your ass off. Then go ahead and eat whatever you want before your glycogen window closes. Plus, you'll be better off missing American Idol. Really. Just stop complaining that you're fat when you're doing nothing about it.

Here's an article I found (that actually inspired this post) that talks about how the government may jump in and start regulating junk food. I think it's a good idea, sort of. I think it could be revised a little bit, though. Don't tax me more to consume crappy food, tax the companies who make crappy food more for making crappy food. Tax incentives are very good catalysts.

Word of the Day: implacable adj.: unable to be appeased; unable to be pacified

The reason Mr. McFattersons kept getting fatter was his implacable appetite for Ringdings, Dingdongs, Dongdings, or any other sugar-coated, preservative-enhanced pastry dings.