Edelman

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said, "God likes spiritual fruits, not religious nuts." I couldn't agree more. Granted, me and God don't have some sort of special relationship, so I really don't know what he likes. However, I do know (or at least general logic would presume) that if there was some sort of god or higher power that made everything, I'm pretty sure that it wasn't his plan to make some people as cannon fodder for others. Do you ever see grey squirrels banding together to attack the mystical albino squirrels just because they have pink eyes? What about brown cows vs. spotted cows? White bunnies vs. brown bunnies? When talking about squirrels and cows and bunnies, you shouldn't be scared. They don't attack each other because Nutters McFurrycheeks, Moo-tor the Golden Heiffer, and Fluffzor the Bunnimaster declared that one type of squirrel/cow/bunny was its chosen one and all the others should die.

Ok, ready to be scared? An Islamic demonstration was held this weekend in New York City declaring the intended doom it wishes to force upon Israel, America, and anyone who opposes them. They chanted things like, "The mushroom cloud is coming," and, "The real Holocaust is coming." Now, I'm a believer in the Constitution and free speech and all that jazz, but at what point do you lose that right and tear gas (did I hear "rubber bullet?") the fuckers? My guess is when you threaten to nuke the White House.

What is it with these retarculous radical Islamists? Is it because they have bigger balls than us? Is it because they're jealous of our huge balls? I mean, what would possess a person to strap a bomb to his chest, walk into a crowd of civilians and children, and blow himself up? Because "God" told him to? We have a term for that, it's called "insane." I think the funniest part of that article (if any of it is funny) is that they refer to the Israelis as terrorists. Hmm...let me think. I'm going to count how many times an Israeli has suicide bombed a "palestinian" group of people. Don't they get it? If they would just leave Israel alone, there would be no fighting! They are the aggressors! Grow up, and pull your stupid turban out of the middle ages, retards!

I understand that may sound a bit bigoted and racist, but let's think about this for a second. Who are people more afraid of? Let's go by race:

• White people: Black people, Hispanics, or radical Muslims?
• Black people: White people, Hispanics, or radical Muslims?
• Hispanics: White people, Black people, or radical Muslims?
• Airport security: White people, Black people, Hispanics, or radical Muslims?

If you guessed "radical Muslims" for all four races, you are correct! Why? Because only radical Muslims blow shit up. Yeah, there are Muslims out there who are profiled and discriminated against because they wear turbans and they are totally docile and rational human beings, and I feel sorry for you. YOU should be the ones who are the most vocal. Only you can really show the world that there is more to Islam than murder, terrorism, fanaticism, and blowing shit up, because right now, that's how the world views you. Hell, I would join a rally of rational Muslims protesting against radical Muslims, and I would even shout your Arabic sayings with you, so long as they didn't include "mushroom cloud" or "Holocaust" in them.

This is also a wake-up call to Americans. I don't know how to put it any clearer. Iran has/is developing weapons-grade nuclear capabilities. They are not going to attack Russia, Spain, England, Africa, or New Zealand. They are looking to use their nuclear bombs against either:

1. Israel
2. America

If we don't do something about it soon (as in, more than talk), we are going to enter a Muslim-induced Holocaust winter. If this isn't alarmist enough, I'm sorry. Maybe I'm not a good enough writer to really accentuate how dire a situation we are in, and for that I apologize.

Can we do something about this, please? I'd like to live long enough to see flying cars. I hear those are going to be awesome, and by that, I mean totally sweet.

Word of the Day: rebarbative adj. serving or tending to irritate or repel

Hemorrhoids are rebarbative. They need to be removed. *Cough, cough*